12 weeks to oz. tough choices and sweet relief.

The past few weeks I've been struggling in running. Even though I took a break through most of December, I simply haven't been able to get my groove back in running. Yoga? Spinning? I'm back on my game as the numba' one stunna'. Running? Not so much. Honestly it's been awful the past month. I haven't been able to string decent miles together, I'm exhausted, burnt out... you get the idea.


Enter the fleeting thought at the start of the year that maybe I shouldn't do a marathon this spring. Fleeting thoughts banished, training commenced, but thoughts kept returning. As of Monday the thoughts were so strong I had to stop and pay attention to them. I started seriously considering dropping to just half marathons for the entirety of spring, but was wrestling with the decision. I just couldn't convince myself that it was okay to forgo a spring 'm' without feeling... well, like a failure honestly. Which is ridiculous. It's a marathon for goodness sake, not a life or death situation!


Until last night, or three o'clock this morning rather. When I was still wide awake pondering all of my life dilemmas and frustrations. When I realized I am just not interested or committed to doing long runs. I'm loving my weekday mileage, and the training of hills and speed. But my thoughts kept going to this: if I could successfully train for a marathon by running 12-14 miles every Sunday? I would do it. Which is of course asking for marathon disaster in my book. And to the fact that I was so dissatisfied with my 'm' training plan that I had already changed it a number of times. When really perhaps that dissatisfaction wasn't with the plan, it was really over running another 'm.' It sounded so daunting. And exhausting, especially considering how busy the next few months are going to be for the Edder and I. So at three-thirty a.m. I decided no 'm.' Then I rolled over and fell asleep. It felt blissful.


I'm sure over the next few months I'll wish I would have stuck it out in 'm' training every now and then. I'll get a bit sad I'm not conquering that PR 'm' goal in the next few months. But as of today, I feel nothing but sweet relief. Honestly, I am excited over the prospect of training really hard for three spring half marathons, shooting for my ultimate half PR goal (more on that in the future). That feeling alone is what solidified my decision to drop from the 'm.' It didn't sound fun, at all. It sounded miserable in fact. While going balls to the wall in multiple half marathons sounded like a blast. Because clearly I'm a sicko! I felt like I was running an 'm' this spring because that's what I was supposed to do. Because that's what runners do. We run marathons. And that's the only thing that proves you are a 'real' or 'good' runner. At least that's been my screwed up thinking. What? It's no secret I have issues!


But that thought is total crap, it just took a lot of talks with those closest to me and some enlightenment to realize that no matter what, running is running. Which is an amazing thing. It's so personal, so gratifying, if you let it be... It's just easy for me to get caught up in the 'keeping up with the joneses' aspect of running. I got caught up in it and it clearly made me miserable. My running is nothing like anyone elses. Period. As a dear friend pointed out to me, it shouldn't be stressful to run, it should help relieve the stress. Excellent point. Running and I, we go through fights about every six months, so really we were due.


So. Here we go folks. The FWR is going to embark on a journey to destroy some half marathons over the next four months. It's like my love and passion for running has returned just thinking about working hard on half marathons. And while I realize the blahgesphere couldn't care less if I run a marathon or a half marathon? I just had to get it all out there on my little blahg. Emotional vomit complete. And hey, what is my blahg if it isn't there for me to vomit all over? I mean really?


Moving on.

Week 1 Training (starting over, this was last weeks training):
Monday = Spin class
Tuesday = Yoga
Wednesday = 5 Miles Easy & Yoga
Thursday = 7 Miles Easy (split between the TM/Joggers & Lagers)
Satuday = 5 Miles easy (during which i stopped to whine to multiple people and cry a little)
Sunday = 13 Miles (all while whining to the lawyer about not wanting to train for an 'm', i was a bag of chuckles)

Lastly, all of the above said. I absolutely intend to destroy a marathon in the fall, and hopefully building a great base with halves and working on speed will just be a catalyst for me to do that! Wait. Not hopeful. It WILL be.