Thursday, January 15, 2009

evil hamsters are waiting for my head to explode....

Monday's run was pretty hideous, I have a few theories, the first is that I had to do my run on the hamster wheel (i.e. indoor track) at my gym. Fellow runners, I don't' know if you encounter this problem or not, but hopefully you can relate. Maybe it's just me, but a run on the hamster wheel always spells 'disastrous run' in my book. Does anyone else get utterly irritated that you have to 'hamster' dodge on the indoor track? Seriously, the lanes are clearly marked, runners lane, share lane, walkers lane.

Why do walkers decide it's okay to stay firmly walking in the runners lane, content to cause all the runners stop dead in their tracks behind them, mayhem abounding? My guess is that they are trying to ruin a runners day one slow step at a time. I'm thinking there is some evil hamster wheel walkers club out there. My other theory for my bad run is that perhaps the delicious meaty gut bomb in the form of a cheese filled bierock minutes before hitting the gym contributed to the horridness. I'm still blaming the hamster wheel walkers, my love affair with beef requires it.

Somehow I feel like there is a conspiracy against me right now, like maybe there are just evil little hamsters (not just the hamster wheel walking ones) trying to make my week utterly miserable. So far this week I have encountered the evil driving hamsters, evil Barnes & Noble hamsters, evil gym going hamsters and even evil Chipotle employee hamsters. Not to mention the fact that I have a multitude of evil co-worker hamsters milling around me this week.

It doesn't end there either, I'm pretty sure even Milo has turned a little evil this week, he refused to eat his hummus covered dinner last night. I swear, that little shit loves him some hummus. However, he was so irritated that I didn't give him the hummus on a carrot, per usual, but instead put it in his bowl, that I kid you not, he sat there and stared at me silently threatening to poop on my pillow. Oh I could see it in his eyes. It was a mad scramble of fur and gangly limbs to race to the bedroom to see who could get to my pillow first, I won. It was the last straw when I tried to lay my wine soaked depressed little head on his flank later that night and he growled at me! HE GROWLED. This is a dog who doesn't even growl at the mailman! He growled at my patheticness with no mind to the fact that I will find errands to run just so he can have his obligatory daily car ride, that I will stop what I'm doing and play with his slobber soaked rope toy, that I put up with him climbing all over me just so he can snuggle when he decides he wants some love, none of this mattered. That evil hamster dog growled at me.

I'm giving up on this week. I'm pretty sure that the ugly little sharp toothed hamsters and their wicked thoughts are focused on and waiting for that moment when they literally get to see my head explode.... it's really just a matter of hours now.


californiameaghan said...

i dont think the evil gym hamsters could possibly compete with the evil ikea hamsters. these guys actually stop in the middle of the aisle and turn around and start walking the wrong way right into you. awesome!

the gibsons said...

haha! ohhhh, my thoughts put exactly into your completely rational prose (i'm not even being sarcastic...i've SEEN these hamsters.) and to make matters worse, i had to go and do the RIGHT THING and give up my 12 miles today to not blow off work for the millionth time. which means i'll either have to not share in the fun of wings and BEER tonight or i'll be running 12 tomorrow AM post-alkie. stupid evil conference call hamsters. i blame them.