worms, parasites and poop.... scarred for life...

Ashley the Running Worm (new name, just made that up myself), Kristen the Running Lawyer and I had a running commentary via email all day yesterday regarding parasites, worms and cleanses. As in having parasites and worms inside our bodies that are making us bloated, have intestinal issues, and in general screwing with us, and how to get rid of them. These alleged parasites and worms do evil, evil, evil things to your body.

Ashley sent a link to THIS article, where this woman (who I'm guessing most likely has a teensy bit of the crazy) discusses the fact that for six-months on end she would poop out several hundred worms a day. Just a teensy bit of the crazy... only the teensiest amount... clearly.

However, this lady might have a bit of a point. I'm not so sure that parasites cause every single disease that is out there, like this woman seems to claim. But I can see how some parasitic worms clinging onto our intestines with their crunchy little teeth sucking up our nutrients could cause some damage here and there. I continue reading the article, past the part about how this woman is passing worms and onto the part where she discusses all the many ways we can acquire parasites.
And this Interwebs, is the point in the reading of the crazy lady article where I start to freak the F*(& OUT. I will treat you to the barrage of emails that were being fired at a war-like rapid pace between Ashley the Running Worm, the Running Lawyer and myself on this topic. You are welcome ladies... Interwebs... enjoy. By the by, all of this got started thanks to Ashley's mention on her blog about getting a colonic. Hey... we deal with far more disgusting issues as runners people, suck it up, it's worth the read... or maybe we are just far more entertaining to ourselves. You pick.

KRISTEN: Rebekah (i.e. FWR) brought it up last night, and now I just can’t resist asking – what’s up with the colonic, Ashley?? I’m not sure I could ever really say I was looking forward to having one of those. I didn’t even know there were places in KS to get that done.

ASHLEY: Here's a great article to read right before lunch..... I feel so sick right now. http://healing.about.com/cs/uc_directory/a/uc_parasites.htm

FWR: OH. HOLY. SHIZ. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. OMG. I am in the middle of reading this article. i'm now convinced i have parasites too. GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS... need to keep reading. what do we do? or is this lady who wrote this nuts?! W...T...F....!!!??????

ASHLEY: I KNOW!!! I couldn't even finish my lunch! Cuz I had a salad with mixed greens...and a cucumber from someone's garden....and feta cheese...and I was drinking tap water! AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think I need to go poo in a container and drop it off at my dr's office, STAT! To check for parasites.

FWR: i find it hard to believe this woman passed hundreds of worms in ONE bathroom stop...i mean that sounds a bit over the top. and passed them for 6 effing MONTHS?! i mean seriously? someone needs to blog about this issue. i want a colonic. and am doing a cayenne pepper, lemon, maple syrup, water cleanse for 40 days and nights.

ASHLEY: I did a juice cleanse once too. It was the Martha's Vineyard Diet Detox. You are supposed to do it for 21 days, but I couldn't go that long. I juiced my own juice and also had green drinks, green tea (5 times a day) and gave myself coffee enemas....yep, that coffee up the @$$.

KRISTEN (please note, before she was a lawyer, she was a bio-science-super-nerd): Yeah, I read that too and it’s one of the most revolting things I’ve ever heard. I find it hard to believe 600-700 a day for 6 months….and I also am not sure I believe her idea that all diseases including things like MS and cancer are caused by worms doing various things in your body. Then again, there’s a whole evolutionary theory out there that says parasites drive evolution because the organisms that can adapt to survive the parasite are the ones that reproduce. There’s your biology 101 lesson for the day.

FWR: thank you for the lesson professor. now i really want to do a master cleanse. I want to see pictures of the results of these cleanses.

KRISTEN: Well, I know when I googled it this morning someone had posted you tube video of their colonic. Who does that??!! So somebody has to have posted pictures of these things somewhere.

ASHLEY: PS - I also read that one of the worst things you can eat if you have parasites is refined sugar! The parasites LOVE that stuff (as do we....). It said to maintain a diet of high fiber, fruits/veggies, etc. I'm fighting every urge I have to bust out the sour gummies... :( Does alcohol count as refined sugar?? If so, I'm totally screwed...

KRISTEN: No, I’m pretty sure alcohol kills them.

FWR: i'm debating naming the blog post either:
i've got worms.
or
pooping in a box and dropping it off (i.e. to your dr. so he can test it for parasites and worms).
thoughts?

ASHLEY: OMG, my vote goes to pooping in a box!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So there you have it, several informational tidbits for your day. First off, how the title of this post came about, yet how I couldn't bring myself to actually title the post pooping in a box. Secondly, a valuable lesson on how to rid yourself of parasites. So in case you think you have parasites and/or worms, people all you have to do is drink a lot of alcohol. No cleanses, detoxes or meds necessary. Lesson learned.

UPDATE: I had to teach last night, and when I got home late last night, Ed was in the kitchen making dinner wearing flip-flops. I totally flipped the F*&^ out on him, all OMG you CANNOT wear your shoes in the house. THE PARASITES!! Since he had NO idea what I was talking about he just stood there mashing the parasitic potatoes, and tending to the obviously parasitic veg he was roasting, blinking at me. He went to the fridge got out a beer, opened it, handed it to me and told me to go change clothes. That was the end of that.

I woke up this morning still convinced that I do in fact have parasitic worms and that every inch of my house needs to be bleached, steamed and scoured. Including my animals, who will never step foot outdoors again. Sorry Milo, your gonna have to learn to poop in a box.