Wednesday, September 22, 2010

three weeks to chicago. and do over.

Word on the street is that there have been some rough running weeks in blahggie land lately. Not gonna lie. That makes me feel 100% better about my current running week. Which is turning out to be less than stellar. Both physically and emotionally. I know mostly it's due to a lot of miles crammed into a seven day period last week, some added life stress, lack of sleep and just general anxiety and fears over the upcoming 'm.' I've been trying to overlook my concerns about my third attempt to finally run a marathon well. And as of this morning I couldn't do it anymore. In fact I turned into a secretly grumpy runner during a 10 miler group run and ended up balling my eyes out afterwards on my way home. I feel weak. And lame.

WHAT? ME? Crying after a run because I'm totally frustrated and exhausted? Shocking, I know.

Don't worry, I also sure did break my "no starbucks for six weeks commitment" that I have going right now. After that run, with tears rolling down my face, I stopped by Starbucks. I had totally caved in my little head by mile seven during the run this morning thinking 'screw it.' That caramel machiatto was REALLY good, by the way. Really, really good. Um, yes I admit I have a small problem (coughahem addiction) with Starbucks.

I suppose the good thing is that I know, I mean, I KNOW deep down I'm going to be fine while running Chicago. I've done the work, and I know my body won't fail me at mile 25 this time. But the demons of marathons past are trying really hard to get in my head and I've been fighting it with every ounce I have so far. Somehow this week they got to me. Over the weeks of training for this marathon I've kept waiting for the anvil to drop. For the freak outs to set in, for the anxiety and unnerving feelings to begin. For the ever faithful running injury to hit. Or those feelings that I have to do "something" in this marathon whether a time goal or with training, to arrive. Wondering if I'll be able to hold myself together or if my training will pay off. Those are all the things I'm now currently worrying about, among others. The good news is that the injuries have not arrived. I guess I'll take these silly emotional issues over an actual injury.

In the end, despite my bad running week, I feel like running Chicago is my do over. It's a chance to take a third shot at running my first marathon in a way. The OKC races were blips of lessons learned, a lot of very closely guarded heartache and physical pain. Something I'll always remember. Maybe not fondly, but I'll always remember them. For the beat down of lessons they handed me. But somehow Chicago feels different. Despite what I'm feeling this week, at least my head is solid enough to realize that fact. Now if the rest of me would just follow suit, and stop the minor freak outs, worrying and ridiculous emotional outbursts in the form of crying in front of complete strangers, I'll be good to go. Just 17 more days and it's on.

My verbal diarrhea is complete. Pretty sure I'll be back in kick-ass mode soon enough. My doubts and fears are normal, and I know it's mostly due to extra stress and fatigue in my life right now. We all have these types of weeks before a marathon, right? RIGHT??!! (just say right. please).

What really matters is that I know deep down Chicago is my 'm' do over. And I really am excited to experience it.

Week 12 - Chicago Training
Tuesday = 5.5 miles
Wednesday = 10 miles
Thursday = 4 miles
Saturday = 20 miles

Total = 39.5 miles


aron said...

hang in there girl, YES there are a few of us that have been slightly emotional runners lately :) its ok. like you said take the emotions over the injury! at this point the work is done, you are going to have a great race! trust your training, taper well, get those legs rested and ready to RUN! chicago is going to be amazing, the crowd, the course, all the thousands of people - its going to be a good day :) now get excited!

misszippy said...

I've been there...both with the emotional runs and the marathon demons. You'll beat them back!

Hannah said...

I love you.

Though, I am very very disturbed that you bawled your eyes out after punching me in the ass. Twice.

Hannah said...

Two words, also:

Money shot.

Marlene said...

You earned that Starbucks! Is there a better cure for a tough run?

And WHY is marathon raining so emotional?! I feel so high strung all the time...

You've got this, baby. Kick some ass!

rUntoNamAste said...

Yep. This sounds around right...and normal. This is a pre-taper meltdown. Alright totally I just made that condition up, but that's my diagnosis and I'm sticking to it :) Girl, you got this. Ease your mind and enjoy your well deserved taper. Chicago ain't got nothin' on you!

Indi said...

You've got this!!! Trust in it and I know you'll do awesome!!! Love ya

and punching in the ass..what the what?!! what happens during these runs?? ;)

Jesse said...

You did 40 miles last week? Yeah, you got this one in the bag. Can't wait to hear the report.

lindsay said...

Yeah my running hasn't been stellar lately and I'm supposed to do a 50k here soon... Yours looks way better than mine! Sounds like you were able to work through some thoughts in this post and I hope you are feeling better about your running, Chicago, etc.

onelittletrigirl said...

Pft- you KNOW I am in this crowd. I have ran all of two...yes two, miles in two weeks. FAIL of epic proportions. Thankfully, I think I have my act together now.

You are going to be fine- you have trained well and you are bound to be emotional with all you have been through! I know you will rock it!

Jill said...

It's hard to fight the mental demons from past races, but you can do it!! Remain strong and don't let those bad boys enter your head!! You're going to do great in Chicago!!! :)

RunnuRMark said...

Yikes. Yep, sounds like you're overstressed to me. Try not to worry too much...I think your training this time around will put you in much better position for Chicago. What you probably need more than anything right now is a day off work to relax. And a massage. And maybe some chocolate. Or Milanos or something. I hear that stuff works wonders for chicks!

Allison said...

Don't worry, you'll do great in Chicago. I live in Chicago and just completed a marathon last Sunday, which was excruciating since I injured both hips. I finished, but not even close to the time I wanted. I felt like crying, but then realized that I had just run a marathon. Not much too complain about there! Take it easy and no that this will be your time to shine!

Irene said...

Sometimes it helps to just put it all out there.