crutch monkey.

This is just for RunnerMark, who made the excellent suggestion that I write tips on how to have fun on crutches. He pointed out since it's mostly runners who read my blog, eventually a few of you will have the unfortunate fate of being on crutches at some point and time. So this is my gimpy gift to you fellow running-potential-to-be-on-crutches-blahggie buddies.

Some fun things only those of us on crutches can do, and fun things to do while on crutches. DON'T LET THE MAN KEEP YOU DOWN fellow crutchers:

• A crutch monkey party trick is balancing on my crutches, i'm up to a good 10 seconds, that doesn't sound like long. But wait until you are on crutches friends, you will see, 10 seconds is darn impressive.
• Mel at Tall Mom pointed out the glory of crutch swinging, to me this means that while crutching you pick up both feet and swing your legs forward, then take a crutch, then swing, so on and so on. I do this a lot at work.
• The sheer joy of shoving a door as hard as possible because it has to be open enough to crutch through in time, it's gratifying. It's like a little game, I've had more than one door slam on me, and for those who witness it, they get a good laugh. I aim to please.
• This is also gratifying, and only works if you have a nice chubby kitty. I love it when I'm greeted at the door by my chubby cat Frank who proceeds to headbutt my crutches and purr at them, he has a thing for them I think.
• My current favorite is irritating Ed by using my crutches to purposefully knock things off of something, like papers of the desk he is working on, or magazines off the end tables. Hours of entertainment!
• Another party trick I'm honing is the running in the air trick, yeah, I balance AND run. That's talent!
• The last party trick is kicking, like I'm 50! I'm on crutches and I kick, and I punch because I'm on crutches!
• Lastly, I am a pirate. Always a Pirate. The intern at work has requested I actually dress as a Pirate for Halloween, he will walk up behind me and be all "Arrrgghhhh." It's stupid but for some reason it makes me laugh every stinking time.

I know it makes me sound nuts, but once you're on those puppies for awhile, you miss them when you don't have them anymore. They were propped up on the couch the other day next to Ed's head and he was all... your crutches smell, not bad, but like rubber. This is true, and I'm admitting I'm crazy because I find the smell of my crutches comforting. I also enjoy having them to hang on when standing around talking to people.

I won't miss getting frustrated at all the a-holes who will walk out a door somewhere (like a restaurant) when I'm alone and just let it slam and walk on by... would it REALLY be that hard to wait two seconds and hold the door for me fat old engineer dude? REALLY? You and your aircraft industry badge can't burn one more calorie by holding that door a little longer. Thank you sirs. Because that happens A LOT. But in the end, it I will miss my little crutchies a bit. So here is a haiku, an ode to my crutchies:

You aid me to walk
Your smell is delightful crutch
I will miss you so