hospital hill half marathon. 12.5 miles of awesome.

And the rest was sort of hellish for my calves.

The Hospital Hill half marathon is held in Kansas City, it was the weekend following mine and Edder's 9th anniversary. So I dragged him to KC with me, to watch me run a half marathon for our anniversary. I excel at being a wife. Clearly. Thankfully he was game. There may have been promises of visits to Boulevard Brewery as bribery.

Here is the race breakdown: 
- The weather was much cooler and less humid than I expected, which made for wonderful running conditions.

- This is obviously a hilly course, considering it's called hospital hill, that said, it actually wasn't as hilly as I anticipated. But still hilly.

- I loved this race, it was very well supported and well run. No complaints.

- I wanted to run this in under two hours, considering the hills I held back the entire race. Knowing my calves might seize up and start to hate me. This was a somewhat good call since by mile 12.5 my calves indeed began their full on protest.

-Somewhere after mile 10 I heard someone behind me say "is that fair weather runner?" which clearly got my attention! It turned out to be another runner from Wichita! And not just any runner, but a fellow blogger's dad. I've talked to him at many a race. How awesome to see him and his crew at the end, and at such a large race.

-I stuck with my new found Wichita group for the last few miles, which was really fantastic. It was a morale booster. It helped keep me going and helped distract me.

-Once we hit the last big hill of the race very close the end, my calves had it. They felt shot, I couldn't keep up with the little group anymore. I couldn't continue to push at a 7 minute pace that last half mile. I was bummed. And hurting.

-I finished, in pain, at 1:53. I'll take it! Much better than I had expected considering my training.

I had waited to post this for race pictures. Turns out I didn't need to do that, kind of bummed that the race pictures were less than stellar. As in the photogs were in only two spots on the course. For such a big race, I expected more. Not that I needed more pictures of myself, seeing how I looked like a white sausage stuffed into a casing of lululemon. Even still. It's nice to have race pictures, no matter what. How else can I be expected to remember what NOT to wear on race day?!

 *shuffling into the finish chute (i think).* 

*annnnnnd looking like sausage death. and being scared i wouldn't finish thanks to my calves*

I can live with the pain in my calves. I can grit my teeth through some pain, it's probably one thing I am fairly expert at. I've had my fair share. The thing I couldn't get past was the fear that my calves would seize up (okc marathon 2010 style) and leave me crumpled on the road. Dragged away crying and yelling at medics to let me finish. (DRAMA!!!) So I wimped out. Slowed down and hobbled to the finish, again. Just like I did in Prairie Fire in October.

Maybe someday in the future I will feel that cramping calf pain and be able to lose the fear that seizes me more than the pain, run through it and have a spectacular race. Maybe. I either need to man up and figure out how far I can push them without crumpling to the ground 2010 style or let the fear rule me. I think I'm gonna choose option one. It may end badly in a race, but how will I know how far I can push if I never try again?

Fear is pretty much the thing that gets me in every. single. race. When I try to do well. I hold back, I slow down, I don't push TOO hard. Always out of fear. It's time to lose that.